I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
