So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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