She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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