you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
