a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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