It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
