I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
