yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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