she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
