You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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