Pappa wants mamma naked
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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