Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
