i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
