We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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