It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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