Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
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We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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