You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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