tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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