why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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