I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
