i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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