Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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