Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
