don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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