I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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