I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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