I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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