Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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