I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
