Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
