You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize