She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
