??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
