Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
