Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
