maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
