I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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