I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
