you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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