wanna go halves on a baby?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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