Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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