there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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