I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
