I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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