You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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