Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
