I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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