sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
