I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
