I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
