woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
