just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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