I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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