your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
