I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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