who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
