Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
