Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
