I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
