My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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