I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
