i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
