You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
