it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
