He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
