Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
