She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
