My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
