dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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