Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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