I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
