when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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