I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
