That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Sext me about skeletons
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
