she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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