OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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