I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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