Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
