i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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