I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
