That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
