at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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