Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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