It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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