Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
