Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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