Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
