Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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