I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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