so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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